Abuse doesn’t always start with obvious aggression.
Sometimes it begins as concern that gradually turns into control. “I’m just worried,” “Don’t talk to that person,” “Tell me where you are,” “I know better what you need.” Taken separately, these phrases may seem insignificant, but over time they can become part of a system of control.
It can be difficult for a person to call this abuse, especially if:
— control has gradually become a normal part of the relationship;
— the abuser alternates pressure with concern, apologies, and promises to change;
— the person blames themselves: “Maybe I provoked the situation myself”;
— there is a fear of being left without a place to live, money, support, or their usual way of life;
— people around them say things like: “Everyone has problems,” “Put up with it for the sake of the family”;
— after prolonged pressure, their own boundaries gradually cease to be perceived as important.
Important: A person is not obligated to immediately realize what is happening to them. This does not make them weak, nor does it mean they “allowed” the abuse themselves.
Sometimes the first step is not to label everything as abuse, but simply to notice: “I feel scared or uncomfortable in this relationship, or I’m constantly forced to do things I don’t want to do.”
It is precisely this realization that can mark the beginning of the path to safety and support.
This publication was made possible thanks to the generous support of the United States Government in cooperation with Polish Humanitarian Action. The nonprofit organization “Clear Paper” is responsible for its content, which does not necessarily reflect the views of the U.S. Government.
